Mother's Love XI

Hmm.

We all luuurrrvvve our parents don't we? Whenever we do something, even though it ain't our bloddy fault it will come back and haunt you, culminating with your old people lurking at you behind and chomping down on it with one false turn.

Anyhow, the crack's on the wall, and you can't escape the annual (dreaded) reunion dinner, and of course if there are family politics, you'll notice a few people missing because they didn't polish up their memory of family member's names.

My mother sure knows how to get the ball rolling... being endowed with the title of 'Ultimate Clean-freak Mother For Eternity' or UCK-ME, she is severely determined to eradicate any form of sirt and untidyness in the house. Since the reunion dinner is at my place, that means only one thing of course:

Mother: 'New Year coming arh, better clean up your room and cupboard ok? Today clear out all your cupboards arh.'

Crawldaddy: 'Argh'

M: 'See your table! Soooooo messy! what the relatives will say when they come for reunion dinner arh. I want to see everything cleared by lunch time. Start Now!'

C: 'Argh.'

But of course, that doesn't end there, especially when your mother is the UCK-ME, and you are the 'Absolute Slacker Son' or ASS. Then she'll be coming to you while you are (hopefully) silently playing your unplugged electric guitar and stop short.

M: 'Ah! See! Still play guitar! Start clearing your things!'

C: 'Argh.'

So the Uck-Me will then fire off another string of chores for you to commit to and complete by lunch such as:

M: 'Fertilise the garden!'

C: 'Err... How?' I'm sure she didn't want any controversy regarding us amongst the neighbours.

M: 'Fertiliser lah!' pointing to a huge bag and a kong (hand pail).

Ok, so that means dumping a whole load of Australian Balck Bone powder on the under-nourished buggers.

The previous days also involved me re-varnishing the patio, screen doors and listening to AC/DC while at it. I suppose the neighbours would have preferred me not bellowing out the chorus of 'Big Balls'.

Cheers, Jool.

I just hope that one-son-of-a-gun cousin of mine behaves himself when he comes over. He's a chip off the block as the saying goes.. his dad, my fourth uncle, is one Bruce Lee fanatic, and whenever his little man goes off tangent, you'd hear stuff like:

Cousin: 'I want to kill you and drink your blood so that I'm strong'

WTF?

Of course he's improved over the years, so that means he'll say less and kick more, Bruce Lee style incorporated. Just let him stay too close to my amplifier and he'll be in for a shock of his life.

Just hope UCK-ME let's me off for the next few hours or so, so that I can have some peace.

Cheers,

Crawldaddy