Crawldaddy And The Infinite Sadness

Hmm.

I've just come back from work, and on the bus home, while listening to Deep Purple, I was doing some soul searching and self-pitying.

I look around myself, and see people being relatively happy with their lives: they have friends to talk with, activities to keep them healthy and mentally sound, etc etc. Then after looking around, and when I see myself, I see a lonesome person, whose sadness is leaked away by songwriting, and hoping that other people will be able to accept him when necessary.

I dunno, I just feel sad whenever I see a couple together or just a bunch of friends chatting animately, cuz that's something I've never actually had in my life.

I've never felt the bliss of having friends around me.
I've never felt the joy in having a fun conversation.
I've never felt the feeling of being loved in return.
I've never felt anything other than sadness.

I don't wish to give up on myself because I know I'm a strong person mentally and physically. It's just the overly-emotional persona which surfaces now and again that causes my inability to be a normal person in today's world. It's like a split between the fun-loving, hard-rocking dude, and just the lonesome, sad case.

I don't want to be sad anymore, so I think I'll try and find myself a girlfriend.

However, I'll let God guide me here, because it takes more than just the desire to want to have a girlfriend to make me become a better person. I hope it doesn't take too long before my sadness overwhelms, but yet again, I can still release it in songwriting.

Cheers,

Crawldaddy