Top of The Pops again...

Hmm.

Have you ever pictured a crowd of screaming girls right in front of you (a la 'Hey Ya!' video of Outkast), except those screaming women aren't exactly estatic with you standing there and trying to be yourself? They're out there for your blood.

Well I've been feeling kind of like that lately, and I still can't seem to get that stone out of my shoe.

I don't understand why this sense of hyper-insecurity just will not go away. I've tried to exorcise it out of me with various forms of music ('Crazy Train' by Ozzy Osbourne, 'Stairway to Heaven' by Led Zeppelin, 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love' by The Darkness to name a few), and judging by the wide variety of music I listen to, you would not be surprised that I have probably tried any form of music possible apart from the kind of mainstream crap i detest.

This feeling has intensified so much sometimes I just feel like I'm gonna be sick, and it reminds of the time when i was Primary Six, when I profaned my form teacher. I nearly got expelled for that stunt. Yep, no crapping, I profaned my primary six form teacher, and that's when I gotten myself a sack of guts a million times too big for me to comprehend. Don't get all crappy with me... back then all of us (me and my classmates) hated her with every particle of our minds.

And that's probably why this feeling won't go away. I've gotten myself into such a huge mess before, and after getting away from it, it has come back in a brand new shape to haunt my very existence. I pray night and day for a peace of mind, but somehow I just can't forgive myself and let it all go away... when I listen to a really calming song, it would disppear, but then it comes back whenever I lose concentration. Argh.

I just wish I'd get my life back on track and wehre I want it to go.. I've never felt so hopeless.


Cheers,

Crawldaddy