Do I have A Disease? VIII

Hmm.

I just read a post on DMD Sabrina's blog, and it really made me think... what else can I do to make myself a better person? Is there something wrong with me such that I'm always on the losing end of the stick?

It's already the end of the day, and I'm really tired... psyched though I might be about my new toy, Sabrina's post made me sit up and think about who I am, what I do and how I do it. I could not help gloss over my past mistakes and find how dumb I was and still am. As much as I wish I could, I can't change the past, but try and improve and hope for the best in the days to come.

That few moments made me kind of sad once more.

I was on the MRT from the jamming session just now and I could not help but notice all those happy-looking couples and think: 'when will my turn arrive?' It's actually very important for someone to have a companion.. after all (as the English lecturer at the back of my mind clearly states) no man is an island. I feel empty all of the sudden.

I'm man enough to admit I've made very foolish mistakes in the past, and I regret them completely. Turning 18 has proved to be tough for me especially since I have achieved nothing in this department since the day I realised that I might someday be some woman's spouse.

I don't want to go into the details regarding how crap I feel right now, but maybe it's all attributed to me feeling lethargic right now. I could also be the fact that I have to churn out my Illustrator toolbox by tuesday morning. But one thing is for certain: I'm still alone.

Should I shut my heart and continue on as a cold, heartless, indifferent creature? I'm tired of false hopes and directionless aspirations, which end up in cul-de-sacs and never-ending circles. You know what? I don't even care anymore.


Cheers,

Crawldaddy